Non-Jews are for practice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
