i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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