oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
