i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
