not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
