yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
