Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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