We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
