I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
