id be glad to
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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