i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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