He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
