A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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