guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
