I think i peed on brittanys purse
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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