There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
