She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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