he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
