I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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