i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
