Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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