is your mom at the bar?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
