wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
