Pants 0. Shit 1.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh god it's open bar.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
