dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
