He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
