Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
