Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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