The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
this beer tastes like vomit already
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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