There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
