6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
