I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
