these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
