hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
