I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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