i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
