And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
