Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
