mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
