my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
