Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
