Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
