Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
