you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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