there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
