As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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