Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
