I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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