maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
