First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
