My sheets look like a crime scene.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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