Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
