I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
