i just identified you from a description of your pipe
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
